I guess I just want to go ahead & get this post over with. I lost the baby last night at 12 1/2 weeks. I still feel like I'm in a dream. I got to the hospital a little after 8:00 last night & we didn't leave until a little after 8:00 this morning. It's been a long 24 hours.
On Thursday I started spotting a little, which I knew could be completely normal, but I had not experienced it when I was pregnant with Reid, so I was a little concerned. I also started lightly cramping that night. Just for my peace of mind I went to the doctor Friday afternoon. They did an ultrasound & everything looked great. I got to see the baby for the first time when it actually looked like a baby. It was moving around & the heart beat was normal. She checked me & said that my cervix was closed, which was a good sign, but since I was doing the unexplained spotting, I was still considered "at risk for a miscarriage". I felt a little better after seeing the ultrasound, but I just didn't have complete peace about it. She said that if the cramping got severe or if I saw blood, that I needed to go straight to the OB emergency room. Late yesterday afternoon we were doing stuff around the house getting ready for the party & I kept cramping. I tried ignoring it for a while, but it just kept getting worse, & finally at 8:00 I told Nick that I just couldn't take it anymore. I headed to the hospital by myself & he called his mom to come over so he could meet me up there. Just as I was turning into the parking garage I felt this big gush & I knew it was blood. I have never been so panicked. It was everywhere. Not long after I got in there I felt something again & unfortunately I saw what I never imagined I would ever have to see. It was so scary being by myself, but looking back, I'm glad Nick wasn't there yet. I'm glad he didn't see me going through that. After a few hours they decided that they need to do a D & C because my cervix wasn't closing completely. Since I had eaten a full meal around 7:00 they made me wait until 3:00 am to do it. They gave me an epidural, so after it was over we had to wait until I got the feeling back in my legs to leave. It was a long night.
We just couldn't handle the birthday party today, so we text everyone & pushed it back to tomorrow afternoon.
You know, I'm really sad that this happened. It does hurt, & it will probably take me a little while to get over it. I do know that I will be ok. I know that we will have another baby, & I am so very grateful for the beautiful, healthy little boy I have right now. I completely trust that God is in control of my life. As much as I want to take the reigns & plan it out, His plans are way bigger than mine. Our baby is in Jesus' arms right now & I will get to meet him/her in heaven one day.
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Oh, Lauren, I have tears in my eyes right now. Erin and Drew told me this afternoon. My heart is breaking for ya'll right now. I love your beautiful perspective even through the pain. And I know that your sweet baby is in the arms of Jesus! Love ya'll and we are praying!!!
ReplyDeleteLauren, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through. My heart hurts for both you and Nick. Praying for God to wrap you in his arms and heal you. Please let me know if you need anything.
ReplyDeleteNick, I may not know you, but I do know you're a wonderful husband and strong shoulder for Lauren. Thank you for taking such good care of a sweet friend.
Oh Lauren, my heart goes out to you and Nick. I have been in this sad place too, and I'm so glad you have a wonderful husband and a beautiful little boy to get you through this. You are right about everything being in Gods hands. I am here if you need anything!!!
ReplyDeleteSweet Girl! I am so sorry! I know you are hurting right now and will continue to pray for peace. Please know I am here for you and Nick.
ReplyDeleteI am, so so sorry, Lauren. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Lauren! Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers! HUGS!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Lauren, I am so sorry!!! I will be praying for you and Nick as God carries you through this difficult time. You sound so brave and full of faith, but I know inside you must be hurting and asking why? I would not make light of what you must be going through as you deal with this, but there must be some comfort knowing that your sweet child will grow up in heaven with Jesus and many other children. Jesus said, "Suffer the little children and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God." And for you, "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." Isaiah 66:13 The "Great I Am" can be whatever you need Him to be, whenever you need it. Take comfort in that as you heal. Love you, Tina
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